Autism and Me – Part 2
-
NB: So Autism and Me part 1 was a success! It had 27 comments and over 1500 reads! So here as requested is Autism and Me Part 2. For those of you just finding part 2, I guess I better explain just what I am writing about. I am writing about Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and Me, well more specifically how it affects me. But remember… It affects everyone differently! this is just my experience of it.
– Autism and Me part 2 –
Where I left off last time was about the sensory system, so I will keep going from there, but before I do I will quickly tell you what the sensory system is again. The sensory system is part of the nervous system that is responsible for processing our senses. Autism affects my sensory system, and everyone who has sensory issues because of Autism… is affected differently.
One of the most interesting things about my sensory system… is my taste! My taste is super strong…! That’s why I cook so many complicated things… in fact, my taste is so strong that I have invented thought eating. I can taste flavours without actually eating the food, it comes in handy cooking!
What this means for me, is instead of being picky about food being complicated, and only sticking to certain tastes… instead I can’t stand plain food. Cheese on bread is something I can’t handle at all. It has to be cheese on bread with garlic pepper, onion and mushroom!
Speaking of plain… Colour! I have a strange relationship with colour… I mean really strange! Colours are very different for me, I feel them. I can tell you which ones are friendly and which are scary! I can tell you which colours are safe and which are monstrous… I can even tell you what colours are happy and which are sad… and there not always what you would expect! In fact, sometimes. I am so scared of certain colours that I won’t even be able to touch them without getting that kind of fear feeling inside me, you know that one where you kind of feel there is a hole in you tummy? I’m not sure what the word is for it… but what I do know is that this can actually can cause a problem… it means everything around me… including what I wear has to be colourful! I can’t wear black! It also means that when I cook… I spend hours preparing my food, making it tell a story… all my food has to look pretty if I make it… but other peoples food is okay, I just imagine it as their story book, I have no right to think badly of their story.
Which leads on to my next topic… and perhaps the longest of all the topics. These are the topics of Visual Stimulation, Memory, Thinking and Processing! What our eyes see and how the brain interprets that, is probably one of the most powerful senses we have. After all… they say seeing is believing.
Now this topic is very large… it covers many things! The first thing I want to… not so quickly cover, is my memory. I hope this will help give you an idea of how I remember things… I think how I remember things explains a lot about me. For starters I think in pictures, colours… moving images and feelings! Every word that I think of has a picture or a moving image, like a video. This can cause a lot of complications, for instance, names can be a nightmare. If I don’t see someone often, like if I meet someone the first time and they have a red bag, my memory will associate that red bag to them… now if I meet them the second time and they don’t have the red bag… it will take a while to work out who they are, especially if they don’t tell me and I can’t recognize the tone of voice!
Another huge problem that comes from this, is judging insignificant information and actions that I have done. By judging I mean working out if I have done them or not, by insignificant I mean that my brain filters them that way… repetitive things that are done without much thought by most people.
A lot of people who do not have an Autism Spectrum Disorder have this problem from time to time, but its usually from forgetting… but because of how my brain thinks in pictures and moving images… for me it is not so much forgetting but being unable to judge if things happened or not.
I bet that made no sense so I will try explain better, be patient with me please! An example of insignificant information is when something is moved from where it usually is, I struggle to find it. That’s because in my head when I think of the object, I can only think of it as being where its suppose to be… that’s the image in my head… other possibilities are difficult.
An example of an action is something like getting a glass of water… if I walk away from that glass I can go to get another and end up with two! This is because the feeling of thirst, brings up the images of getting water. My brain is unable to process how recent they are… as the images are always the same. Leaving me repeating some things I have already done.
Other problems from this way of thinking, are having pictures of things that are not very warming or safe. Like the word Conscious… brings up a horrible dark picture in my head and I avoid using it whenever possible. skipping little words like “The and but†as there are no real pictures for them- it can make writing a pain… and of course, thinking like this means I am not able to spell.
Yes… you heard me… I can’t spell! I always feel a bit embarrassed when I tell people that, because I love to write… Now I bet some of you are wondering right now… why can’t I spell when I sitting here writing all this?
Well… When most people think of the word “Television†they can work out the sounds tel-e-vis-ion, but when I try to think of the word television and say it, I can’t see the sounds as any pictures… so although I can say “Tel†– I can’t work out what letters make up that sound. So what this means is that many words, I can’t spell unless I have memorized them through a lot of practice. Even then on a bad day that doesn’t help.
So now you must be wondering, just how I do write all this if I can’t spell… well first, the computer helps! Well not the computer specifically, but the keyboard! When I was struggling with the alphabet while younger someone had a genius idea. “ Why don’t we try to teach the alphabet in the order of the keyboard†– Well, that worked! The keyboard is an object, I can see it… its the same everywhere! Once I had memorized the alphabet, I practised typing words! And through visual memory of what keys I have pushed for what word… I have through some kind of miracle worked out how to make my brain spell while truly spelling. I can even touch type, without looking at the keyboard at all and without thinking about the words I am typing, spell them correctly!
However… when you take that keyboard away, and you ask me to spell something… you will find that I can’t spell at all. However if you give me a keyboard, without the letters showing up on the keys. I can very often push the right keys on it to spell the word correctly… Gosh… I hope that all makes sense. In short, I can spell, without spelling, thanks to the help of some wonderful learning support that worked with me in school!
And of course you can’t mention spelling without mentioning reading… and just like spelling, my reading is affected by my Visual Stimulation, Memory, Thinking and Processing! I have never been able to finish more than a picture in my life because of it, and this may surprise many of you… but I also can’t handle reading my own work, I usually need help!
This is because reading means overloading my brain with hundreds of images at once, making it so I have to go extremely slow… and making it hard to stay focussed. Its also extremely difficult when what I am seeing is suddenly explained as wrong! For instance they may start talking about a horse and then a few paragraphs in, begin describing the horse as black… when in my head it was clearly white! Its frustrating beyond words! When I was younger I use to take my book to the teacher and ask her why the book was broken, which is a bit funny now I think about it.
But this doesn’t mean I can’t read, which is very important to note! It just means that I can’t read a lot in one go and also that I read differently and take time to process the information. Thankfully! When I run into words I don’t know or can’t say in order to get a picture in my head to come up, thanks to the wonderful invention of the internet I can look these up or ask people! However I can get muddled up when the pictures just can’t be processed right… I often have to tell people to use their words another way or I end up saying “Sorry I don’t understand!†… but some how I get by and have some amazing written conversations on the internet!
Now… lets move on to something shocking, well shocking to others! Something that makes a lot of sense to me but doesn’t always make sense to anyone else… So I hope your ready… take a big breath! … and now imagine a mumbling voice… I don’t really like music….
Yup! You heard me! I don’t really like music! Now this baffles a lot of people, especially since a lot of people seem to believe that everyone with Autism is great with Music, that music therapy works with everyone who has Autism… but I really don’t like it that much. That doesn’t mean I don’t listen to music… cause I listen to a little bit, however how I listen to music on the rare occasions that I do… is different just like how I read.
For me the music I listen to is generally classical music… usually from a ballet or play, or some music I heard while watching a movie or the television… but unless I want to visualize what the music belongs to, what I associate it to… then I won’t listen to it. I also listen to it on a low volume… as you remember me talking about my hearing earlier. This means that instead of music being on at my house, the television is on instead.  That’s because I can turn my head to see what the sounds I hear belong to or if I have seen what the sounds belong to, I can visualize the movie and watch it without having to see it. If the television is not on… I am usually in silence… unless I need noise to drown something else out.
I guess… Music just isn’t visually stimulating enough to hold my interest and the only music I can handle is music with an associated visual stimulation. Â I so hope that makes sense
–
Wow I sure wrote a lot this time too didn’t I!! There is so much more to write if you want me to!! Please comment just to let me know again if you want a part 3! This takes a lot of time and a lot of concentration! So I don’t want to write it, just to be embarrassed no one read it when I could have been writing something else. I also hope you all enjoy the cover image, it took me a few days to draw!
If you want me to keep going in Part 3 I will cover visual noise, an often overlooked thing by those who have supported me.
Also I want you to know that I don’t feel very well at all today, I have a cyst/lump thing on my face and a very sore eye… as well as a swollen gum which I think might be my wisdom tooth reminding me its there… So if this reads terribly bad please just let me know and I will take it off and work on it some more to make it better. I am extremely nervous about it since I don’t feel well.
~ Written with love and care
Click here to read Part 3! 🙂
About The Author
Matty is a 36 year old girl who is an Autistic Poet, Writer and Artist and lives alone in Christchurch New Zealand with a kitty! Matty has given many talks on autism and about being unique in a world that's often not accepting, Matty has also engaged with artist and worked on Art projects Matty usually works on an Art project at the same time as a writing one! This means posts can be a bit delayed!
Leave a Reply
21 Responses and Counting...
Thank you, again, for sharing and the effort that goes into doing this. You are helping me to understand the possibilities of how my son experiences the world. Also, about the items being in a different place, if my husband puts something in a new place I can’t find it. I don’t even know where to start looking because I just have that one picture in my head of where it should be. You explained it much better than I could, thank you 🙂 Jen.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I am a Teachers Aide for a wonderful 12 yr old boy with autism. He is mostly non-verbal so is unable to communicate his needs. Your blog has so much valuable information it it to help us all understand life with autism a little bit better. That you once again. Rachel
Matty thanks for these wonderful words that help me to understand how some people with autism may see life…
I hope you start to feel better very soon. Nothing worse than feeling ill.
Can I ask please what do sounds “do you need to drown out with noise” and do you do this with music, tv or headphones?
What are you favourite happy calming colours?
thanks hun and have a good day.
xxoo
Hi there Matty 🙂
I hope you are feeling better or that you have made an appointment with the doctor to have a look at you 🙂
Matty, thank you for sharing how the world looks and works for you 🙂 I am learning so much from your honesty and I am sure other are too. 🙂
I look forward to part 3 🙂
Hugs Vanessa
.
*Hugs* I know how much you love hugs *smiles*
Reading this has really helped me to understand more, but also confuses me, because I know nothing of Autism of any sort really, except for all the many years I have known you..
Thank You Sweetie for the insight on your life…Thank you also for being part of my life in all the years we have known each other..*smiles*
Another great article Matty! Very informative and intertesting, you explain things very well:)
Keep writing! You are helping alot of people
Hi Matty,
Thank you, I found this very interesting and you explain your experiences very well. I look forward to hearing more.
Take care
Shirley
Matty, I went back and read part one and now part two. Excellent and fascinating. Thank you for writing these because I have never understood what autism is, especially the way you experience it. Keep writing!
This is wonderful and so interesting and I love how insightful you are. I look forward to Part 3 and I LOVE the picture, too!! 🙂
Loved the picture, the words, the explanations and your personal story about how you relate to and with things. Well done! Hope these words give you good pictures and I hope you are feeling better!
Your physical problems don’t seem to have had any noticeable effect on your writing. This is another great description of how you see things, and process. Thank you for taking the time and making the effort, even when you’re feeling badly, to write about this subject! I am looking forward to seeing what you write next! Hugs and hugs, Matty 🙂
Hi Matty. Thanks for taking the time to allow us into your life. I have a 2yr daughter who is on the spectrum so I have done a lot of researching into Autism. You have given me a whole new understanding and acceptance about it. Awesome job. Ps your Kitty is very cute. Nice new collar !
Absolutely fascinating, I can’t wait for part 3! I like when you pointed out that music therapy doesn’t work for all people with autism.
love part 2 matty its is very informative for those who dont understand it ..keep it up hun hugz to ya
This was wonderful, thank you so much for working so hard to share this information! My son is struggling to learn to read, and this gave me a lot to think about. And it also gives me a clue as to maybe why he struggles so much with remembering when/if things happened. And it also helps give me an idea why he doesn’t like music, which has been very puzzling to us : )
Very much looking forward to part 3, visual noise is very difficult for me (I have sensory processing issues as well) and I can’t wait to hear what you have to say about it.
Even more great work, very much enjoyed the read!
thank you, Matty! this was particularly interesting to me because i have a friend, while she’s not on the spectrum, she does have a sensory system overlap which causes her to taste colors and hear flavors.
Another nice piece, Matty. I don’t listen to much music either, which is strange. I’m a musician! I guess that I just find it distracting. I’m easily distracted by noise.
This was brilliant Matty, and frankly I think you are brilliant too. You have a real talent for finding the words to convey these amazing ways you experience and understand the world, which is all the more remarkable considering how challenging writing is for you. Thank you for sharing this, I shall now go straight to read #3 🙂
Great job Matty! Sounds like you need antibiotics though. Or maybe you need to go to the dentist. Hope your ok! HUGS
have you ever considering having synesthesia