The predictability overload (Poem)
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NB: A poem of an experience with a predictability overload.
The predictability overload
It starts off as a simple thought
“Where is that thing I have, that I really want.”
A picture enters my mind
A clear one of where it is exactly.
So I go to that location,
The picture matches perfect…
Except…
That “thing” I want is just not there…
That “thing”… its gone…
I start looking first very calm
Through other pictures in my head
But as those places turn up empty…
My heart begins to race,
As it goes faster, I begin to sweat…
My throat goes dry and my brain feels squeezed.
The thoughts begin to spiral
“Its Lost”
“Its gone forever”
“The world is falling apart”
“I am no longer safe”
And as they spiral deeper,
I begin to cry,
I throw my head on walls and doors
My breathing goes out of control.
Nothing can stop the fear…
Nothing can create calm
Not unless I find that thing I am searching for,
Replace it just the same…
Or until my energy runs out and I am running on empty.
At least then I sleep to a calmer awakening.
About The Author
Matty is a 36 year old girl who is an Autistic Poet, Writer and Artist and lives alone in Christchurch New Zealand with a kitty! Matty has given many talks on autism and about being unique in a world that's often not accepting, Matty has also engaged with artist and worked on Art projects Matty usually works on an Art project at the same time as a writing one! This means posts can be a bit delayed!
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thats so amazin
Hugest hugs Matty, I love when you write about how autism affects you as it helps me to understand. I admire the courage it takes for you to do so. Please keep writing like this s I truly think it helps us all love Vanessa