Run (Dark Poem)
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NB: I am having a very tough time lately. One of my greatest fears is becoming a ghost, being invisible to people right in front of me. Those that treat me that way cause me so much pain, and create more anxiety than I can cope with. Because of this I had to leave an online community I loved and had been part of for a few years now. I feel so sad and guilty, I feel I abandoned friendships… and I feel I may have harmed people by doing what I have done. I do think this decision though… in the long term will keep me safe. Just as it has many times before.
Run
In my life there have been moments
Moments darker than words can ever tell
And in these moments one word comes to mind
A word I trust to keep me safe.
Run.And Run I do,
Be it from danger or fear
I Run..
I run from misery
I run from those who seek me harm.Recently this word came to me again
Like an old friend saying hello
I dreaded it showing up,
But I knew what I had to do.
I did not take the time for a proper goodbye
Or to say to those I love I loved them so…
I just left, I had to Run.Many would never understand why.
But I had run, to get away from that fear…
However the guilt is consuming,
I abandoned friendships.Will they find a way to forgive me?
I’m not sure…
What I know is that I am both sorry and relieved
And, for now. Feeling safe once again.
Run, please don’t come back again.
About The Author
Matty is a 36 year old girl who is an Autistic Poet, Writer and Artist and lives alone in Christchurch New Zealand with a kitty! Matty has given many talks on autism and about being unique in a world that's often not accepting, Matty has also engaged with artist and worked on Art projects Matty usually works on an Art project at the same time as a writing one! This means posts can be a bit delayed!
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You have to take care of yourself first. A true friend will understand. *hug*
Oh my heart breaks whom I see that you are sad. I wish that we lived closer to each other. All I can do is offer you hugs and hugs from so far away and hope that you can feel them when I send them in my mind to you.
Awwww Dear Matty – it is so sad to hear of your pain I too wish I lived closer in RL to give you the warm loving hugs you so deserve and maybe a coffee and cake somewhere 🙂 You are a wonderful person and those who can’t see you are the losers in this life. Your talent for writing is amazing and although it is sad I love your poem 🙂 You can take heart in the fact that you real friends will understand you leaving, not only because they love you for who you are but they also would encourage you to do what is best for you you. You must always look after yourself first. Love you little lady, many hugs, rainbows and healing love coming your way.
So glad you feel better! Thanks for writing it out for us. Happier days ahead!
You have become so much better at taking care of yourself, Matty. I’m so proud of you. Hugs.