Autism and Me – Part 3
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NB: So! Here as requested is Autism and Me Part 3. For those of you just finding part 3, I guess I better explain just what I am writing about. I am writing about Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and Me, well more specifically how it affects me. But remember… It affects everyone differently! this is just my experience.
If you missed any of the previous parts, you can catch up by clicking on my Autism and Me =) Category –
– Autism and Me part 3 Â –
Now! Continuing on from where we left off, my visual memory leads on to something that doesn’t get spoken about often and is often overlooked. But is something that impacts my daily life on a very large scale, this is Visual Noise. Why this is not spoken of often, is probably due to people not understanding just what exactly visual noise is, so for those of you wondering, I will explain it as best I can.In Physics… yes this is going to be a bit technical… noise is usually an unwanted addition to a signal. Such as static when listening to a weak radio signal… Now visual noise or image noise as it is sometimes called, is the variation in colour, brightness, interfering objects and sometimes movement… This is seen most in an unwanted picture from a camera. such as a blurry image caused by low light or movement, the blurriness is caused due to trouble with processing and in short, an unwanted picture.
And just like a camera… due to my Autism and sensory processing issues… I suffer Visual Noise. The inability to process clearly due to brightness, interfering objects, variations in colour and sometimes movement. This lack of ability to be able to focus and process, can create for me, what I will go into later in this series… of what is called a sensory overload. Especially when coupled with other parts of the sensory system also processing at the same time, basically problems caused by the interpretation of multiple signals.
Visual Noise for me is something that is very difficult to deal with, usually because its far outside my control. For instance… and this is a bit silly, but there are some department stores that have so many things everywhere that I can’t navigate them at all! This is because my brain can’t process so many objects at once! And with all the different colours as well as sometimes objects being in a nonsensical pattern… I begin to bump into things, knocking all sorts of things over and at the same time… I also can become disoriented. I have become lost in stores before! I think sometimes the people who take me places must think I’m a nightmare… especially when I freeze up with anxiety and have to be lead around like a boat being towed to rescue… good thing they don’t mind holding my hand! The worst place for Visual Noise though, is the hospital… but that’s a story for another time!
Although visual noise is usually outside of my control, that doesn’t mean its always outside of my home environment. Sometimes the smallest change in my home environment, such as a rubbish bin being moved can cause it to, as well as an amazingly high amount of distress and discomfort… and of course my horrible anxiety attacks.
For me, this is because of that predictability comfort I mentioned earlier. The home environment is usually a safe, predictable place, where change doesn’t happen often and things are generally in routine… That means calming down and relaxing the sensory system.. no longer being on edge, things are exactly where they are and should be!
This means for me, that being able to process and clearly see the changes in the environment takes time… since my brain relaxes so much it slows down, so if anything moves around and changes suddenly then this creates Visual Noise. You have no idea how many times I have tripped over my rubbish bin because its moved just a few inches! I won’t even get started on when I lose something and move everything trying to find it and suddenly am faced with my whole house being out of place…
Which of course now leads to my next topic… I am not going to talk about my problems with sequencing, this is something that not everyone with Autism has trouble with… actually some people with Autism I have met are really, really good at it! But… not me… Sequencing is one of my biggest struggles, it impacts my life more than anything else… it also ties into Visual Noise because its one of the biggest causes.
So… Sequencing,… I bet your first question is…what is that?! Well I am not 100% clear on all of this but I will try to explain it as best I can. I am told that sequencing when talked about in relation to my autism and how I function, is the ability to prioritize, organize and sequence events and actions in the right order.
Problems with sequencing are often present in people during emergency situations…. like knowing what to do at a car crash… But for me its constant situations and situations that I think many people have a natural response to, like what to do when your clothes are wet or when you’re hungry or cold.
However for me, unlike other people who can train their brain through repetitive learning and structure to respond correctly to those situations, I can’t always do that. I think, but this is just my thinking on it… it might be to do with what else is going on with my sensory system at the time of processing that situation.
Sequencing for me, means that my house… although wonderful, cuddly and warm… can quite quickly over a week get full of rubbish and things can get moved into impractical places, then of course I can shut down due to stress, anxiety and confusion… not to mention on longer feeling safe as my home environment is now foreign to me.
It also means that I don’t always know how to get things back to their right places. Even if I know where those places are… I can’t always do it… and sometimes… I put things back in the wrong order, making it even messier and more confusing.
The worst situation for me, is when I lose something, mostly due to my visual memory that I mentioned earlier… and move everything around trying to find it… as I said before, that also creates visual noise and getting things back together again becomes a nightmare. Luckily though I have some help from some wonderful organizations and friends! I hate to remember how it was before I had that help.
Sadly though… these sequencing problems are not just limited to the environment… but also my ability to care for myself. However I must point out before I go further, that I do have problems with my hands, however its not just my hands that prevent me from doing these things.
These are things such as dressing, cleaning up my body correctly and making my bed. I can’t follow written instructions very well, even with visual ones can get me stressed and muddled… now this will probably confuse a lot of people since visual instructions are used so often for people with Autism… but for me they just muddle me up and get me upset me often. If I take my time, often hours… I can manage sometimes, but for things that need to be done fast… its difficult… however as I said I think its dependent upon what other sensory processing is going on too. Such as processing colour and movement, the problems with my hands don’t help!
But as I said earlier… I can’t always do things… however there is a lot I can do! I can cook as I have probably mentioned 100 times now… but its something I am proud of learning! I can do art projects and drawings too! And of course I can write… not to mention being quite good at puzzles and lego!
However why I can do these things and not other things is still very much a mystery… But I think it maybe to do with what other processing is happening at the time of the situation that needs sequencing. As I said at the start though, I do admit that I don’t really understand my sequencing problems as well as I would like too… I just know that its the reason I have trouble with lots of things, I hope one day that I or someone else can understand it better… and find a way to help me do more on my own.
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Wow, I really can’t believe how much I write sometimes. Please remember to comment and let me know again if you want a part 4! Â This takes a lot of time, concentration and thinking. So there is no point putting so much energy into it if no one will read it. I also created an Autism and Me category so that its easy to find them all in the future.
Also thank you to everyone who has commented so far also and to all who have read this… I really appreciate it! Thank you all for being so interested in me and what I have to say. I really hope its as helpful as the first two. To both my friends and those who support me and of course to those who support others.
~ Written with love and care
Click here to read Part 4!Â
About The Author
Matty is a 36 year old girl who is an Autistic Poet, Writer and Artist and lives alone in Christchurch New Zealand with a kitty! Matty has given many talks on autism and about being unique in a world that's often not accepting, Matty has also engaged with artist and worked on Art projects Matty usually works on an Art project at the same time as a writing one! This means posts can be a bit delayed!
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19 Responses and Counting...
What a wonderful thing that you’re able to explain so clearly about this! Thank you for taking the time and effort, Matty. If there is a Part 4 I would love to read that one, too!
I found this very interesting, thank you Matty.
yes Matty very interestin and each part will help those who deal with it each day ..understand it more look forward to part 4..hugz to you sweety
Hi Matty, Wow yet another wonderful post. Thank you for sharing so frankly and in simple terms that I can understand and share with others like my grandchildren. Please write as often as you feel the urge to do so, as I look forward to each new post. love and hugs from Vanessa
Another great post! Appreciate all the time and effort that goes into these.
Keep on writing Matty – these are such a wonderful insight into your world and the world of some of the children I teach. I would love to share these with my study group (postgraduate diploma of specialist teaching ASD) if you are happy for me to.
Thanks for this interesting read. Your information gives me insight into my own son, even though he is quite severely challenged. Keep writing! 🙂
Hey Matty..
Thanks for more insight…. I love your openness and for answering all my questions..
Have a great week and may everything be happy.
�Melinda
Matty, you write so eloquently! You explain things that many people (including me) have never thought of. I think that lots of people have personally run into a tiny bit of what you describe. It don’t mean that they are on the autistic spectrum, merely that they have the ability to understand what you are talking about.
Thanks again matty I am following your posts closely, and learning a great deal each time. You remind me as a parent of a son with special needs, that i need to slow down to realise that the way i see the world is not even close to how his world looks or even feels and that it is me that needs to learn how to see it through his eyes in order to help him, rather than him that needs to change to “fit in to the world”… It helps a great deal to be able to see the world through your eyes and take from your words how it might be for my son.
I have a million questions about your life as a child and diagnosis etc, (which is where we are at with my son),ie who and how u were diagnosed etc, would i be able to contact you by email about some of these things?
Hello Nicky :)! You can contact me through my website by clicking contact and filling that form out 🙂 It will leave an email to me! But I have emailed you directly and I hope you have gotten that 🙂
Love your posts, always. Thank you again for your honesty and awesomeness. i would love a part 4!! 🙂
Another wonderful post in the “Autism and Me” series Matty, please do come out with #4, I’m looking forward to it 🙂
Amazing insight! Thank you for sharing! Can’t wait to read more….
Well written Matty and very educational and interesting:)
Please keep writing these Matty! It is really helping me to understand how you see the world. Thank you so much for sharing.
Greetings Matty. I think you are making sense of Autism better than anyone else I have ever read on the subject. You are interpreting autism for the rest of us, in a very clear way. With your translation you are doing a huge service for those affected by Autism, and those who are interested in it. Congratulations, and thankyou Matty.
I am a poet too, and I like reading your poems.
I’d love to see a picture of your puzzles or lego projects you have done. Sounds interesting! Your information about your Autism is very well done! Thank You for explaining! Good job!
Really good, thanks. 😀