I wish I had somewhere to fit. (Just thinking to myself)
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I wish I had somewhere to fit. (Just thinking to myself)
For a while not so long ago,
I felt safe and at home
I smiled every day…
Thought everything would be okay,
I felt safe…
When that disappeared due to changes in those I had come to love
I was left empty feeling.
Scared.In that fear a few questions came to me
Where do I fit?
Will I ever fit anywhere?
I’m really not sure-
The things I like are not seen as normal…
I am not seen as normal…
I am a mix of a normal smart adult and … I guess a child?
I don’t have many if any, adult interests
In person I guess I come off as to much work?
I’m not sure…
But I really want to find a place to fit…
Somewhere to belong.Or maybe I need to find a way to “become older”
To enjoy things I find now boring…
And find boring the things I enjoy now.
I guess not many adults watch Barney the dinosaur and like it
Or wonder-pets… or Paw Patrol or Peppa Pig
I hope I can find a solution soon
I don’t know in what form that will come…
But…
I need something so I be in the world like everyone else.And no, I don’t think everyone needs to “understand more”
Because a lot of people who I know, understand completely…
Just sadly… Someone understanding doesn’t change how the world works.
Maybe I just need to find a way for my disabilities to go away.
Hmmm
I think I need to think more.
About The Author
Matty is a 36 year old girl who is an Autistic Poet, Writer and Artist and lives alone in Christchurch New Zealand with a kitty! Matty has given many talks on autism and about being unique in a world that's often not accepting, Matty has also engaged with artist and worked on Art projects Matty usually works on an Art project at the same time as a writing one! This means posts can be a bit delayed!
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First of all, you dont have to fit anywhere. We love you the way you are. Second i am nearly 50 and enjoy ‘childish’ cartoons. And i am sad you had to leave communities that were bad for you. And at least i try to understand, isnt easy for me always, but give me the benefit of doubt. Hugs from around the world.
Hi Angel
I am at the moment watching Sense8, by the Wachoweski’s. It is good. It has made me have feelings which just became hard like setting concrete. I need to be stronger. And it is ok to be me, I know this. I need to be less afraid of the outside world.
So, I don’t think you need to change anymore than your evolution during life. We don’t choose who we are, we become it.
I came across a beautiful poem by an Australian woman recently that I hope you like.
Amy.
Erin Hanson â‹… 1 March 2014
Shattered Starlight.
She had stars behind each eyelid,
And a galaxy in her soul,
That drew people to her endless heart,
Like the pull of a black hole,
She was made of earth and fire,
Of wishes cast on shooting stars,
She was a brand new solar system,
Unlike the ones they’d known so far,
With constellations ever changing,
No one could memorise her skies,
And they thought the thing for them to do,
Was bring her to their size,
They shrunk the universe within her,
Told her her vast expanse was wrong,
That she should make her life much smaller,
If she wanted to belong,
As they collapsed her world around her,
She felt her inner stars grow cold,
Until her life was far too heavy,
For her once strong arms to hold,
You might wonder how it happened,
But I guess that it makes sense,
Because a life becomes much heavier,
When it’s the universe condensed.
I have always been here for you. I met you way back around 2004. I have seen a lot of changes in you over the years. Lots of good changes. We all change over years, but we never stop loving or caring for you. I have seen you over the past few years pulling more and more away from ones that truly do love and care for you. We can’t always know what you are feeling unless you let us know. Just know I love you and always will. Hugs
You’re allowed to like whatever you want. It doesn’t hurt anybody.
Love you, sweety, however you are right now. I wish you could find a family to fit in and be loved. I’m glad you are you, though: I love you a lot just the way you are.