A me that is not me.

  • NB: This is Just me thinking out loud… There has been a lot in my head lately, thank you everyone who is sticking by me… without you all I would be so lost.

    A me that is not me

    I am lost
    I am confused
    I am tired
    I feel exhausted.

    This is me,
    At this point in time,
    A me that is not me,
    A me that is a lie.

    I wish to be free
    I wish to be me…
    I wish, I wish
    So brokenly.

    What will I do?
    I don’t know…
    I know what I wish to,
    I just don’t know how.

    And what of the price?
    What will I pay?
    Will I loose friends? Probably…
    Will I end up alone? Maybe…

    So what do I do?

    I could wait for certain people
    To pass away into dust,
    A removal of my fear,
    So I can stop living a lie

    Then live a dream
    With lost years
    But that is a lot of torture
    I would have to endure.

    Or I could take a risk
    With a big breath,
    Tell the world
    This secret within me…

    Then I could wait and see
    Their reactions to me
    Will there be hate and fear?
    Its scary to think…

    For now, I’m not sure…
    What exactly I will do
    Why is being different so difficult?
    I wish I knew…

    But whatever I decide
    I know there will be hurt
    And that’s what eats me up…
    I wish everything was easier.


    October 21st, 2011 | Matty Angel | 4 Comments |

About The Author

Matty is a 36 year old girl who is an Autistic Poet, Writer and Artist and lives alone in Christchurch New Zealand with a kitty! Matty has given many talks on autism and about being unique in a world that's often not accepting, Matty has also engaged with artist and worked on Art projects Matty usually works on an Art project at the same time as a writing one! This means posts can be a bit delayed!

4 Responses and Counting...

  • Mark 10.21.2011

    Great stuff Matty. We’re all different but in the end we’re all the same. Just keep those you love close and don’t worry about the rest 🙂

  • Pip

    It may not feel like “me” but remember you will always be “you” and that won’t change ever. It’s the “you” that makes everyone special and unique. Don’t lose sight of that Matty 🙂

  • Anne30

    i think everyone at times feels lost and confused. i enjoy reading your poetry – it is thought provoking.

  • starry

    Matty…. you are you , thats all you can do…. is be you!
    I for one am glad you are you, no matter what, no matter who!
    A gentle spirit, a kind heart, and quite a poet too
    You bring a lot of positives to people in this busy busy life…
    just make sure you save some for you
    my friend 🙂

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