Just Autism… – Short Story
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NB: I wrote this to share… If you see mistakes let me know so I can fix them. Its a look into my OCD and Autism and how they overlap and how everything leads to another thing.
Just me and Autism – Short Story
So it is exactly 11:13 pm, for some reason I want… I keep counting the words in the sentences I say or think. I want them all to be 5, enough words for each hand. I go over many things… Things that I have said today, things I want to say tomorrow. 5. I want it to be 5 and I don’t know why. It barely ever works out. Every time I reach 5 its like winning a lottery but… I fight the urge to make everything reach 5 because I know deep down its a strange thing to want. I guess cause it puts order back into an very out of order world, especially at night when things feel unpredictable and scary.
After obsessing on the number 5 I decide instead of sentences I will tap my bed repeatedly. On finger at a time ending with a thumb. 5. I shut my eyes while I keep tapping them. I imagine a horse running, each tap a hoof on a desert plain.
I get told sometimes that imagination and autism do not go together, but let me tell you. I sure spend a lot of time imagining. The problem comes when others want me to join there imagination. Think of a story book. The book talks of a cat for many chapters and then maybe around chapter 7 it says the cat is black. Well I imagined that cat white… Then I become strangely grumpy, upset… I can’t keep reading. What they saw and what I saw were so different and it felt so uncomfortable.
For others this is easy maybe to move on but… for me its so hard. I stop tapping on the bed and listening to my imaginary horse. Thinking how hard it would be for others to see my horse, as I would see there’s.
So… I get up and begin writing this instead. Frustrated at how this world is so imperfect and how others can’t see my world. I needed to write out how grumpy I am about the number 5… Well I suppose how grumpy I am about everything I say not equaling 5.
As I write this though I am reminded that these things are so small in the grand scheme of it all, but for some reason feel so big… I hope it gives you all a little look into how things are though. Thanks for reading.
Love Matty Angel
About The Author
Matty is a 37 year old girl who is an Autistic Poet, Writer and Artist and lives alone in Christchurch New Zealand with a kitty! Matty has given many talks on autism and about being unique in a world that's often not accepting, Matty has also engaged with artist and worked on Art projects Matty usually works on an Art project at the same time as a writing one! This means posts can be a bit delayed!
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What a neat story! Thank you for the glimpse into your head 🙂
Hi, loved this, thank you.